


like... y'know, nyah

by apricotsun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekhyun Is a Little Shit, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Junmyeon Deserves Better, M/M, Sehun is a Little Shit, Skype, Texting, and chanyeol should be banned from using both caps lock and exclamation marks, jongin x dogs, minseok is more evil than jongdae, more plot to come (i hope hahahahwj), this is atrocious, this is literally so stupid
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-06 09:12:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8744089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apricotsun/pseuds/apricotsun
Summary: petition to ban cucumbers: I didn't raise u to be this way ferret king: shut up ur not my mumpetition to ban cucumbers: well then junmyeon didn't raise u to be this waypetition to ban cucumbers: I'm gonna tell on youferret king: DONT TELL JUNMYEON PLEASE BAEKAlternatively: Chanyeol, allergic to cats, has a crush on the cute barista at the cat cafe. Baekhyun wants a new best friend.





	1. "u mean u don't... discriminut"

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this during exams just to relax and honestly forgot about it for a while, but here it is im so sorry please forgive me
> 
> ferret king = chanyeol  
> petition to ban cucumbers/butt jedi = baekhyun
> 
> I'll add other characters/tags as I go again im sorry

_ New Skype Conversation _

\----------------

9:20 am

**ferret king** messaged  **petition to ban cucumbers**

 

**ferret king:** baek

**ferret king:** baek omg

**ferret king:** baek quick

**petition to ban cucumbers:** what is it u ridiculously large child

**ferret king:** I've met the love of my life 

**petition to ban cucumbers:** wait

**petition to ban cucumbers:** wHAT DID U JUST SAY

**petition to ban cucumbers:** OMG

**ferret king:** I'm in love baek

**petition to ban cucumbers:** whoahohoho wait up

**petition to ban cucumbers:** when did this happen????

**petition to ban cucumbers:** who is it???

**petition to ban cucumbers:** spill!!!!!

**ferret king:** idk his name but he's so cute

**petition to ban cucumbers:** w

**petition to ban cucumbers:** what did u just say

**petition to ban cucumbers:** are u messing with me

**ferret king:** baekhyun stop

**petition to ban cucumbers:** omg

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I cannot believe you

**petition to ban cucumbers:** park chanyeol what the actual everloving fuck

**ferret king:** dont judge me

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you don't know his name?

**petition to ban cucumbers:** do you know him at all????? 

**petition to ban cucumbers:** even the slightest inkling of knowledge about his interests, occupation, social circle etc?

**ferret king:** nooooo?

**petition to ban cucumbers:** oh my god 

**petition to ban cucumbers:** chanyeol

**petition to ban cucumbers:** why am i even friends with u

**petition to ban cucumbers** : I fkn swear to god I'm gonna kick ur right nut so hard you will sing soprano forever

**ferret king:** please don't

**ferret king:** my deep sexy voice is all I have going for me

**petition to ban cucumbers:** lol aint that the truth

**ferret king:** ouch  <\3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you said it first!

**ferret king:** yeah but ur not supposed to agree that quickly!!!!

**ferret king:** and besides I like my right nut

**ferret king:** I won't let u hurt it

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ur left nut then

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I'm not picky

**ferret king:** no u can't kick either of my nuts!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** u have to chose one to sacrifice!!!! surely u have one that u secretly like less

**ferret king:** never!! I don't discriminate between nuts!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** u mean u don't

**petition to ban cucumbers:** discriminut

**ferret king:** bro

**petition to ban cucumbers:** bro

**ferret king:** that was incredible

**ferret king:** but please stop talking abt my nuts when im telling u about the actual love of my goddamn life

**petition to ban cucumbers:** oh my god fINE

**petition to ban cucumbers:** so

**petition to ban cucumbers:** love of your life?

**ferret king:** LOVE OF MY LIFE

**ferret king:** I LOVE HIM!!!!!!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** yeol thats cute but let me ask u this

**petition to ban cucumbers:** have u even talked to this kid

**ferret king:** um no

**petition to ban cucumbers:** of course you haven't

**petition to ban cucumbers:** silly me

**petition to ban cucumbers:** should have known

**petition to ban cucumbers:** so u don't know his name, u don't know anything about him and yet u suddenly love him?????

**petition to ban cucumbers:** that doesn’t happen outside of those ridiculous dramas u make me watch

**petition to ban cucumbers:** i call bullshit

**ferret king:** baek

**ferret king:** you make me watch the dramas

**petition to ban cucumbers:** excuse me no I don’t

**ferret king:** you told me you’d surgically remove my ears in my sleep if I didn’t watch weightlifting fairy kim bok-joo with you because I ‘needed to witness the nam joo-hyuk experience’

**petition to ban cucumbers:** did I? oops hahah silly me :-)

**petition to ban cucumbers:** u gotta admit that you thoroughly enjoyed the nam joo-hyuk experience though

**petition to ban cucumbers:** anyway point being that love at first sight doesn’t happen in real life

**petition to ban cucumbers:** end of

**ferret king:** come on

**petition to ban cucumbers:** nope not buying it sorry honey

**ferret king:** IM GOING TO FIND A PIC OF HIM HOLD ON

**petition to ban cucumbers:** how the hell are you going to do that??????

**petition to ban cucumbers:** don't you dare take a sneaky pic of him

**petition to ban cucumbers:** chanyeol you can't take pictures of people u don't know that's so creepy

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I didn't raise u to be this way

**ferret king:** shut up ur not my mum

**petition to ban cucumbers:** well then junmyeon didn't raise u to be this way

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I'm gonna tell on you

**ferret king:** DONT TELL JUNMYEON PLEASE BAEK

**ferret king:** I'm not taking a pic of him baek don't worry

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ok good you're better than that

**petition to ban cucumbers:** how are you finding pics of him tho

**ferret king:** ……….

**ferret king:** wellllllllll

**petition to ban cucumbers:** park chanyeol you tell me right now

**ferret king:** ok ok ok so he’s a barista right?

**ferret king:** and I may or may not have stalked the cafe’s Instagram just a little bit

**petition to ban cucumbers:** oh my god are you twelve

**ferret king:** um I'm actually thirteen

**ferret king:** *inches long

**ferret king:** OOOOOOH

**petition to ban cucumbers:** OOOOOOH

**petition to ban cucumbers:** real talk you absolutely disgust me

**ferret king:** you love it

**petition to ban cucumbers:** so you Insta stalked him

**petition to ban cucumbers:** results?

**ferret king:** _1 image attached: screenshot.jpg_

**petition to ban cucumbers:** woah ok he's cute as fuck

**petition to ban cucumbers:** woah

**ferret king:** right

**petition to ban cucumbers:** hahahhaha you’ve got a crush on the hot barista you absolute cliche

**ferret king:** shut up hipster trash

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I will cop that

**petition to ban cucumbers:** where does he work

**ferret king:** at one of those cute little bakery cafes round the corner that just opened up!!!

**ferret king:** I walk past it every day on my way to work lol

**petition to ban cucumbers:** and let me guess

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you peek in the window every day just to catch a glimpse of him

**ferret king:** pls don't judge me

**petition to ban cucumbers:** that's sickening

**petition to ban cucumbers:** but cute I guess ugh

**ferret king:** he never notices so it's fine!!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** that just makes you a stalker yeol

**ferret king:** oh

**petition to ban cucumbers:** oh is about right buddy

**petition to ban cucumbers:** it's ok we're gonna make a bomb ass plan to get you IN with that hot barista

**ferret king:** THANKS BAEK YOU’RE THE BEST

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I am the best

**ferret king:** <3 <3 <3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you would actually be incapable of survival without me

**petition to ban cucumbers:** if u didn't have me u would probably shrivel up and die from the side effects of just being chanyeol

**ferret king:** I owe u my life man

**ferret king:** how can I ever repay you

**petition to ban cucumbers:** do my laundry for a month and we’ll be even

**ferret king:** anything 4 u

**ferret king:** <3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** <3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ok so we'll start by taking things slow, I don't have classes so we can go in and grab coffee tomorrow morning and set this thing in motion baby

**ferret king:** omg I'm so nervous

**ferret king:** what if I mess up my order

**ferret king:** what if I die

**petition to ban cucumbers:** yeol you're not going to die

**petition to ban cucumbers:** and just check the menu and choose beforehand duh

**ferret king:** oh that's actually a good idea

**petition to ban cucumbers:** yeah I am capable of those

**ferret king:** ok ok searching now

**petition to ban cucumbers:** hahahahah ur such a nerd rehearsing ur coffee order

**ferret king:** shut up Baek you literally scripted 5 different possible ways to ask out Yongsun-noona and she still rejected u

**petition to ban cucumbers:** uncalled for

**petition to ban cucumbers:** and she rejected me bc she has a girlfriend you unfortunate limpet

**ferret king:** what

**ferret king:** what the hell is a limpet

**petition to ban cucumbers:** it's an aquatic snail

**ferret king:** baek what the hell

**petition to ban cucumbers:** it clings 2 rocks and stuff

**petition to ban cucumbers:** just like u cling to me bc you're hopeless without me

**ferret king:** sick burn

**petition to ban cucumbers:** thanks babe

**petition to ban cucumbers:** hurry up and find the menu so u can script ur dumb order

**ferret king:** ok ok calm down I'm getting there!!

**ferret king:** oooooh I found it

**ferret king:** omg everything looks so cute and yummy it's so perfect for him!!!!!!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** gross

**petition to ban cucumbers:** send me the link tho I want to check out them buns

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ;-*

**ferret king:** >:-O

**ferret king:** don't u dare

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ha ha not ur boyfriends buns real buns bc it's a bakery get it

**petition to ban cucumbers:** god I'm funny

**ferret king:** ugh shut up

**ferret king:** _ attached: [link] _

**petition to ban cucumbers:** excellent

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ............

**ferret king:** what

**petition to ban cucumbers:** um

**ferret king:** what

**petition to ban cucumbers:** chanyeol

**ferret king:** WHAT

**petition to ban cucumbers:** is the bakery

**petition to ban cucumbers:** where ur cute barista works by any chance

**petition to ban cucumbers:** a cat cafe

**ferret king:** yeah hahha how cute is that?!?!?!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** chanyeol

**petition to ban cucumbers:** how

**petition to ban cucumbers:** what

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you're fucking allergic to cats

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you actually are going to die

**ferret king:** nah I'll be fine!! I’ll just take lots of meds and try not to sneeze in front of him!!!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** holy shit

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you oversized idiot

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I'm out

**ferret king:** BAEK NO I NEED U

**petition to ban cucumbers:** we had a good run chanyeol i wish you the best of luck with everything

**ferret king:** BAEK COME ON

**petition to ban cucumbers:** YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT

**petition to ban cucumbers:** IM NOT LETTING U SNEEZE ALL OVER ME!!!!! NEVER AGAIN!!!!!!!

**petition to ban cucumbers:** YOU HAVE HORRIBLE GIANT LOUD STUPID SNEEZES AND YOU KNOW HOW I REACT TO HORRIBLE GIANT LOUD STUPID NOISES

**petition to ban cucumbers:** WITH FEAR AND EMBARRASSING JUMPING

**petition to ban cucumbers:** AND BESIDES CATS ARE THE SPAWN OF SATAN I REFUSE

**ferret king:** PLEASE

**petition to ban cucumbers:** NO

**ferret king:** ILL DO ANYTHING

**petition to ban cucumbers:** GOODBYE PARK CHANYEOL IT WAS NICE KNOWING YOU

**ferret king:** ILL HOOK U UP WITH KYUNGSOO

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ok ha ha

**ferret king:** omg

**ferret king:** you're so easy

**petition to ban cucumbers:** hahaha yeah I am

**petition to ban cucumbers:** B-)

**ferret king:** thank u so much baek u can be bridesmaid when we get married <3 <3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** um I will be maid of honour than you very much

**ferret king:** you'll have to fight yura for that

**petition to ban cucumbers:** damn it

**petition to ban cucumbers:** you'd better be grateful for this park

**ferret king:** I'm so grateful u have NO IDEA baek

****petition to ban cucumbers:**  **alright

****petition to ban cucumbers:**  **let's do this

****petition to ban cucumbers:**  **I will get you with this guy even though it's actually going to physically kill you

**ferret king:** <3 <3 <3

**petition to ban cucumbers:** wait what the fuck hold on

**petition to ban cucumbers:** how the hell did u know that I was into kyungsoo

**ferret king:** heh heh

**petition to ban cucumbers:** don't you dare heh heh me

**ferret king:** heh heh

**ferret king:** heh heh

**ferret king:** heh heh

**ferret king:** heh heh

**ferret king:** heh heh

**ferret king:** heh heh

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I hate you so much park chanyeol

**petition to ban cucumbers:** seriously how’d u know tho

**ferret king:** his butt

**petition to ban cucumbers:** ah

**petition to ban cucumbers:** his butt

**ferret king:** u do stare at it a lot

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I do stare at it a lot

**ferret king:** I mean look

**ferret king:** I don’t see why u love it so much bc there’s not a whole lot there to begin with

**ferret king:** but it is firm so I guess the whole staring thing is valid

**petition to ban cucumbers:** my one true weakness

**petition to ban cucumbers:** firm butt

**ferret king:** and it's kyungsoo, who is Hot Stuff™, so everybody can relate to ur butt staring

**petition to ban cucumbers:** he is a god amongst mere mortals

**petition to ban cucumbers:** an evil, tiny god, but a god nonetheless

**ferret king:** true

******petition to ban cucumbers:** is it obvious

**petition to ban cucumbers:** the butt staring

**ferret king:** nah nah ur doing good you’re pretty subtle

**ferret king:** it's like u have butt staring super powers

**ferret king:** ur like

**ferret king:** a butt jedi

**petition to ban cucumbers:** FUCK YES

**petition to ban cucumbers:** I'm changing my skype name

**ferret king:** DO IT

**butt jedi:** done it

**ferret king:** did anyone actually sign your petition to ban cucumbers

**butt jedi:** yes

**ferret king:** other than you, using 4 different gmail accounts

**butt jedi:** no

**ferret king:** classic

**ferret king:** and yeah considering you're like the equivalent of a human boombox you're surprisingly good at keeping it low key???

**butt jedi:** I'm choosing to take that as a compliment

**ferret king:** u do u boo

**ferret king:** although I’m pretty sure I saw minseok and jongdae laughing at u salivating over him the other day when he wore those rlly tight jeans

**butt jedi:** omg no

**butt jedi:** jongdae knows????

**butt jedi:** I’m screwed yeol noonnono

**butt jedi:** I am  _ never _ going to hear the end of this

**butt jedi:** never ever

**butt jedi:** bury me

**ferret king:** dude it’s minseok u need to worry about

**ferret king:** he’s savage af

**butt jedi:** pshhhhhhh minseok is adorable and he loves me he would never

**butt jedi:** Jongdae is actually the reincarnation of satans nipple

**ferret king:** ewwwwwwww

**butt jedi:** he's pure evil

**ferret king:** bet you $10 that minseok is worse

**butt jedi:** I will take that bet thank u very much

**butt jedi:** enjoy giving me $10 when u LOSE

**ferret king:** sureeeeeee

**ferret king:** but don't say I didn't warn u when he ends ur skinny ass

**butt jedi:** *toned ass

**ferret king:** I refuse to pander to ur ass delusions byun baekhyun

**butt jedi:** come on yeol

**butt jedi:** there's a good reason why they call me byun baek-buns

**butt jedi:** ;-D

**ferret king:** what

**ferret king:** no one has ever called u byun baek-buns and nobody ever will

**butt jedi:** >:-O

**ferret king:** u have no ass, and no class

**butt jedi:** how dare you

**ferret king:** let Kyungsoo be enough butt for the both of you

**butt jedi:** ugh

**butt jedi:** one day you'll recognise my baek-buns for the national treasure they truly are

**ferret king:** n e v e r

**ferret king:** :-)

  
  
  



	2. "yo I think we broke Baekhyun"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dick pics and dog pics - aka introducing The Gang™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE ON CHAT NAMES!!:  
>  **ferret king ******= chanyeol  
>  **butt jedi ******= baekhyun  
>  **michael chenson ******= jongdae (have u seen that video I love that video)  
>  **frozone ******= minseok  
>  **mother ******= junmyeon  
>  **dog dealer ******= jongin  
>  **teenage meme ******= sehun

_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

3:41 pm

 **michael chenson** messaged **butt jedi**

 

 **michael chenson:** heyyyyyy Baekhyun

 **butt jedi:** heyyyyyy Jongdae

 **butt jedi:** what's up

 **michael chenson:** MY DICK

 **butt jedi:** DONT SAY UR DICK

 **butt jedi:** ugh

 **butt jedi:** you said it

 **michael chenson:** ya snooze ya loose

 **butt jedi:** whatever twerp

 **butt jedi:** what do u want

 **michael chenson:** well

 **michael chenson:** I was just thinking

 **butt jedi:** hmmmmm

 **butt jedi:** risky

 **michael chenson:** silence fool

 **michael chenson:** I was thinking abt the other day

 **michael chenson:** when we all went out for Vietnamese

 **butt jedi:** hhhhmmmmmmmm

 **butt jedi:** can't remember, have blocked it out of my mind

 **butt jedi:** was tempted to bleach my brain after witnessing u and Minseok trying to reenact lady and the tramp w ur pho noodles

 **michael chenson:** hahahah you loved it don't lie

 **butt jedi** : hahahah no I really didn't

 **michael chenson:** although I gotta say

 **michael chenson:** you seemed distracted

 **butt jedi:** what

 **butt jedi:** distracted by your abhorrent PDA???

 **butt jedi:** by your blatant ogling???

 **butt jedi:** disgusted is more accurate

 **michael chenson:** he's my boyfriend you pube

 **michael chenson** : I'm allowed to be cute with him

 **michael chenson:** and you're just as much of a filthy ogler as I am

 **butt jedi:** uhhhhhhh

 **butt jedi:** no I'm not

 **butt jedi** : don't lump me in with the likes of you

 **butt jedi** : as a decided Non Ogler™, I deserve better

 **michael chenson:** I beg to differ

 **michael chenson:** ;-)))))))

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **butt jedi:** o

 **michael chenson:** kyungsoo did look pretty good in those jeans!!!

 **butt jedi:** what

 **butt jedi:** how did u

 **michael chenson:** there's more where that came from, sweaty!!1! !!

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **michael chenson:** _attached: 1 image_

 **butt jedi:** uh

 **butt jedi:** my mum says I have to go

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

3:50 pm

 **butt jedi** messaged **frozone**

 

 **butt jedi:** TELL YOUR EVIL SHITTY BOYFRIEND TO STOP TEXTING ME PICS OF KYUNGSOO’S  BUTT

 **frozone:** HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

 **frozone** : HOLY SHIT I LOVE HIM

 **frozone:** HE ACTUALLY DID IT

 **butt jedi:** MAKE HIM STOP

 **frozone:** NEVER

 **butt jedi:** OH MY GOD

 **butt jedi:** WHY ME

 **frozone:** THIS IS SO GREAT

 **butt jedi:** shouldn't you be concerned about how many pics ur bf has of another guys ass

 **frozone:** uh

 **frozone:** no?

 **frozone:** it's an A+ ass why would I be concerned

 **butt jedi:** omg

 **frozone:** and besides

 **frozone:** he doesn't have nearly as many pics of soo’s ass as I do of junmyeon’s diq

 **butt jedi:** whatthefuck

 **frozone:** u want me to send them thru?? I'll throw in some of Dae’s as well

 **frozone:** just 4 u babe!

 **butt jedi:** I'm going to throw up bye

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

4:03

 **butt jedi** messaged **ferret king**

 

 **butt jedi:** so

 **butt jedi:** I may or may not owe u $10

 **ferret king:** HA I TOLD YOU SO

 **ferret king:** how bad was it

 **butt jedi:** please bring ice cream home with you after work

 **butt jedi:** I need it

 **ferret king:** holyshit

 **ferret king:** this is mad serious

 **ferret king:** omg Baek honey r u okay???????

 **ferret king:** I'm on my way now

 **butt jedi:** hurry

 **ferret king:** Ben and Jerry’s?

 **butt jedi:** my second favourite type of BJ hell yeah

 **ferret king:** ew you're gross

 **ferret king:** I'm gonna bleach my eyes out

 **butt jedi:** literally two hours ago you were whining about your big gay crush on the cute barista you slimy nerd shut up hypocrite

 **ferret king:** oh yeah hahha

 **ferret king** : fair call

 **ferret king:** u want phish food?

 **butt jedi:** when do I not want phish food

 **ferret king:** also a fair call

 **ferret king:** I'll be home in like an hour c u l8r babe xoxox

 **butt jedi:** ok ok c u soon babe

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

4:05 pm

 **frozone** messaged **michael chenson**

 

 **frozone** : _1 image attached: screenshot1.jpg_

 **frozone:** yo babe

 **frozone** : I think we broke Baekhyun

 **michael chenson:** seriously?????

 **michael chenson:** awesome

 **michael chenson:** hahahah I love us

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

4:10 pm

 **frozone** messaged **mother**

 

 **frozone:** hey Jun

 **mother:** Hey Minseok! What’s up? :)

 **frozone:** ok dude u gotta stop with the intense punctuation you're worse than my grandmother

 **frozone:** and jeez give that damn emoji a nose it looks like it's gonna come for me in my sleep

 **mother:** Oh, sorry Minseok! Let me fix this...

 **mother:** yo yo yo wassup minseok

 **mother:** :•)

 **mother:** better???

 **frozone:** christ no

 **frozone:** you sound like Luhan

 **frozone** : jesus fuck I regret this so much ew ew

 **frozone:** undo

 **frozone:** pls return to factory settings

 **mother:** I don't know what that means minseok :•(

 **frozone:** just text normally for the love of gOD

 **mother:** Oh, alright then!

 **mother:** So what’s up?

 **frozone:** oh right yeah

 **frozone:** I wanted to let you know that Baekhyun knows I have ur dick pics

 **frozone:** just a warning

 **mother:** Minseok!

 **mother:** Why would you tell him that?

 **mother:** Minseok please explain this to me!

 

4:17 pm

 **mother:** Minseok, I’m very concerned right now.

  
4:28 pm

 **mother:** Minseok, please answer my text messages.

 

4:45 pm

 **mother:** Minseok, I’m your daddy.

 **mother:** Oh! I didn't write that, I'm so sorry! The phone changed it!

 **mother:** What I meant to say is, I am *your daddy?

 **mother:** No! It happened again!

 **mother:** I am *your daddy

 **mother:** *your daddy

 **mother:** *your daddy

 **mother:** *WORRIED

 **mother:** I AM WORRIED

 **mother:** I AM WORRIED IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY!

 **mother:** MINSEOK

 **mother:** MINSEOK HOW DO I MAKE THE LETTERS SMALL AGAIN?

  
  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

5:02

 **frozone** messaged **michael chenson**

 

 **frozone:** _1 image attached: screenshot1.jpg_

 **frozone:** _1 image attached: screenshot2.jpg_

 **frozone:** I think we killed junmyeon too

 **michael chenson:** HOLY SHIT

 **michael chenson:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 **michael chenson:** YOU ARE PERFECTION

 **michael chenson:** YOU MAKE MY LIFE WORTH LIVING

 **frozone:** aw thx

 **frozone:** apparently sehun hacked his autocorrect

 **michael chenson:** I love that kid

 **michael chenson:** lets invite him over for a threesome

 **frozone:** Jongdae u skank

 **michael chenson:** kid’s got an excellent ass and excellent sass what can I say

 **michael chenson:** u kno u want 2 babe

 **michael chenson:** ;-))))))

 **frozone:** ur sleeping on the couch tonight

 **frozone:** babe

 **frozone:** :-)

 **michael chenson:** well

 **michael chenson:** fuck

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

5:11 pm

 **dog dealer** messaged **ferret king**

 

 **dog dealer:** chanyeol

 **dog dealer** : chanyeol

 **dog dealer** : chanyeol

 **dog dealer** : chanyeol this is important

 **ferret king:** is this about a dog

 **dog dealer:** maybe

 **ferret king:** you're such a nerd

 **dog dealer:** but what if I told you

 **dog dealer:** that the dog

 **dog dealer:** was wearing shoes

 **ferret king:** …..

 **ferret king:** I mean you're still a nerd

 **ferret king:** but go on

 **dog dealer:** _attached: 1 image_

 **ferret king:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **ferret king:** HOLY SHIT

 **dog dealer:** I KNOW

 **ferret king:** I CANT BELIEVE IT

 **dog dealer:** RIGHT

 **ferret king:** HES SO TINY??????

 **dog dealer:** LOOK AT HIS EARS

 **ferret king:** OHHHH MY GOD

 **ferret king:** THIS IS THE BEST THING THATS EVER HAPPENED TO ME

 **ferret king:** HES WEARING SMALL DOG SHOES

 **ferret king:** ON HIS SMALL DOG FEET

 **dog dealer:** I CRIED BRO

 **ferret king:** I AM CRYING

 **ferret king:** CURRENTLY

 **ferret king:** THE SHOES

 **dog dealer:** the shoes

 **ferret king:** SO SMALL

 **dog dealer:** so so small

 **ferret king:** thank u for that

 **ferret king:** u have warmed my soul

 **dog dealer:** no problem bro

 **dog dealer:** happy 2 help

 **ferret king:** hang on

 **ferret king:** jongin

 **ferret king:** dude

 **dog dealer:** yeah bro

 **ferret king:** is that vivi

 **dog dealer:** what

 **ferret king:** that's sehuns dog right

 **ferret king:** sehuns dog that he told u to stay away from on pain of death

 **dog dealer:** uhhhhhh what hahah

 **ferret king:** sehuns dog called vivi

 **dog dealer:** uh no I just saw this dog on the street

 **ferret king:** jongin this pic was taken inside

 **dog dealer:** no no that's just the lighting

 **ferret king:** it says vivi on the name tag

 **dog dealer** : it's a common name for dogs!

 **ferret king:** is it rlly???????

 **dog dealer:** ………

 **ferret king:**???????

 **dog dealer:** pls don't tell sehun

 **ferret king:** too late

 **dog dealer:** fUCK

 **ferret king:** oops

 **ferret king:** some1 is in trouble

 **ferret king** : >:-3

 **dog dealer:** im never sending u dog pics again you traitor

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\--------------

5:19 pm

 **teenage meme** messaged **dog dealer**

 

 **teenage meme:** OH MY GOD

 **dog dealer:** sehun

 **teenage meme:** HOW COULD YOU

 **dog dealer:** it's not what you think

 **teenage meme:** BEHIND MY BACK???????

 **dog dealer:** they're only small dog shoes!

 **teenage meme:** ONLY

 **teenage meme:** “”””ONLY””” SMALL DOG SHOES

 **teenage meme:** JUST LIKE IT WAS “”””ONLY“””” A WALK

 **teenage meme:** AND “””””ONLY”””” A BELLY RUB

 **teenage meme:** DONT MAKE ME LAUGH JONGIN

 **dog dealer:** sehun come on

 **teenage meme:** you've taken this too far

 **dog dealer:** dude I'm sorry

 **teenage meme:** I don't know how to trust you again jongin

 **teenage meme:** you've let me down

 **dog dealer:** you know how I get around dogs man

 **dog dealer:** I just have to love them

 **teenage meme:** vivi isn't like the other dogs

 **teenage meme:** he's sensitive

 **dog dealer:** I can look after him!!

 **teenage meme:** you're trying to replace me??????

 **dog dealer:** no!!!!

 **dog dealer:** I just want to help out

 **teenage meme:** I've told u so many times Jongin

 **teenage meme:** vivi is mine

 **teenage meme:** you can't see him

 **teenage meme:** stay on your own fucking turf

 **dog dealer:** sehun we literally live together

 **dog dealer** : my turf is your turf too bro

 **dog dealer:** I physically can't not see vivi

 **teenage meme:** obviously you're not trying hard enough!!!

 **dog dealer:** sehun please

 **dog dealer:** I'm sorry

 **teenage meme:** no

 **dog dealer:** come on

 **dog dealer:** bro u know that I never wanted to hurt you

 **teenage meme:** thanks for that Troy fucking Bolton

 **teenage meme:** u can now bop bop bop!! the fuck outta here

 **dog dealer:** what

 **teenage meme:** I am

 **teenage meme:** breaking free

 **teenage meme:** of your lies

 **dog dealer:** bro

 **dog dealer:** are you ending our friendship

 **dog dealer:** with high school musical songs

 **teenage meme:** no and yes

 **dog dealer:** that doesn't make sense

 **teenage meme:** well I guess you'll just have to

 **teenage meme:** work it out

 **teenage meme:** won't you

 **dog dealer** : holy shit???

 **dog dealer:** you're amazing

 **teenage meme:** *fabulous

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\-------------

5:27pm

 **butt jedi** messaged **teenage meme**

 

 **butt jedi** : yo hoe sehun

 **teenage meme** : yo byun baekasshole

 **butt jedi** : >:-(

 **butt jedi** : are you even trying???

 **teenage meme** : let me pose to you, a question

 **teenage meme** : am I ever trying

 **butt jedi** : good point

 **butt jedi** : HEY guess what

 **teenage meme** : what

 **butt jedi** : woah contain your excitement pleAse

 **butt jedi** : chanyeol has a cruuuuuush

 **teenage meme** : ew

 **butt jedi** : WAIT FOR THE GOOD BIT

 **butt jedi** : he's got a crush on the guy who works at the cat cafe near us lmao

 **teenage meme** : so

 **butt jedi** : so? SO?

 **butt jedi** : so he's fucking 100% allergic to cats

 **teenage meme** : really

 **butt jedi** : yeah and it is the uGLIEST allergic I've ever seen

 **butt jedi** : his face goes all red and blotchy and he gets itchy and my lord his sneezes

 **butt jedi** : they're powerful enough to blow someone into another realm

 

5:31 pm

 **butt jedi** : sehun?

 

5:34 pm

 **butt jedi** : I know you've seen these messages you little shit

5:36 pm

 **butt jedi** : REPLY TO ME!!!!!!!!

 **butt jedi** : >:-(((((

  


_New Skype Conversation_

\-------------

5:37 pm

 **teenage meme** messaged **ferret king**

 

 **teenage meme** : _1 image attached: screenshot.jpg_

 **teenage meme** : haha you're such a fuckin loser

 **ferret king** : hey sehun can you do me a favour

 **teenage meme** : maybe

 **teenage meme** : depends

 **teenage meme** : because if you want me to never speak of this again I'm sorry but no can do

 **teenage meme** : this is your life now

 **ferret king** : yeah I know that you glorified noodle

 **ferret king** : but real talk can you help me sell Baekhyun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a really late update omg but I've been away for three weeks in the middle of nowhere - so a belated Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Holidays/Happy New Year to you all! Thank you so much for 50 kudos, they and your comments make my day.  
> If you want to get in touch with me, my instagram is _@apricotgirl ___\- I'm going to start posting updates about fics there, so feel free to come say hi!  
>  as always, comments & kudos are so appreciated !!  
>  _also IMPORTANT: minseok would never ever send anyone junmyeon's personal private dick picks, that would be an Asshole move. don't share nudes without explicit permission kiddos ___

**Author's Note:**

> i promise im working on serious fics too haha hel p


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